Whisper in the Night

In the lonely darkness of Nunavut lived a beautiful child named Waya Ebony Skeksis. This child had only a mother who went by the name of Radinka; which meant hyper. Waya was 6 and Radinka had to provide her with shelter over her head and food on the table so she had no time to find a way to get her a present. She decided to give her the same gift her mother had given her at the age of 7; an ancient Inuit carving.

Every night Radinka would put her daughter to bed wishing her safe dreams then retreating to the forbidden room. The forbidden room contained many ancient artifacts and anything of great value. Of course this included the gift she had received from her mother the Inuit stone carving which was named Ojagalaak after her great great great grandfather. This carving had been passed down from mother to daughter throughout the generations and Ojagalaak had been her best friend since she was a little girl. It took a lot to give it to her daughter hoping she would take as good care of it as she had and her mother before that.

Tomorow would be Waya's birthday and Radinka was positive she would give this precious carving to her only daughter. Waya was anxious for her birthday therefore making a good night sleep very difficult. She had stayed up well past her usual bed time wishing time would progress much faster. Radinka had now went into the forbidden room to wrap up her daughter's present and her best friend.

For the first time as far back as Radinka could remember had Waya ever slept well into the day. Radinka was worried though she decided against waking her daughter she would give her her present during breakfast. Only shortly after Waya had woken up and came downstairs. Radinka handed her daughter her present after she had cleaned her plate. Waya's expression was nothing but surprised and amazed. She could not believe the detail in the carving "Thank you so much mom" words showing fascination. Radinka had replied: "Your very welcome dear" clearing the table now she added "his name is Ojagalaak my best friend and hopefully one day he'll be yours aswell" her words were firmly spoken. Waya was full of amazement and she smiled holding the sculpture of this very well detailed carving of a red eyes dragon. Radinka had now returned to her chores and Waya had retreated to the solitude of her room which now held a sign 'Do Not Disturb'. Radinka had cleaned the entire house spotlessly now yelling for her daughter to join her downstairs for supper. Patiently she waited for what seemed like hours the food almost cold and still Waya had not joined her. Radinka grew worried about her daughter since she had already finished her supper and cleaned up after herself. Radinka decided to check on her daughter Waya and after creeping up the stairs she opened the door to her daughter's room. As she peered in she had noticed that Waya had fallen asleep with Ojagalaak at her side so she smiled and slowly the door creaked shut. Hearing the door shut Waya had opened her eyes and softly whispered something to Ojagalaak. After asking Ojagalaak to watch over her and her mother she had drifted off to sleep peacefully feeling protected by the carved dragon.

It was now Radinka's day to sleep in and Waya did her best to stay quiet when she woke up seeing that Ojagalaak was alive. His red eyes followed her and he had a silvery gold colored scales. his tail about half the length of his body from what Waya had noticed. He looked over to Waya with his blood eyes and he spoke "I have been sent to you to help guide you during these tough times in your life Waya" and with these words spoken Ojagalaak had smoke exiting his muzzle. Waya's eyes widened as her once carved dragon was speaking to her and using her name. Waya wanted to yell though she did not want to anger her mother by waking her up even through her fears she found the dragon fascinating. The night before Waya had asked him to watch over her and now he was doing as she wished of him. Quickly Waya had gotten dressed and went downstairs made her mother breakfast and ate her own. She was so amazed by Ojagalaak that she was anxious to find him again and she had retreated to her room right after breakfast. Every day it seemed she was locked in her room with Ojagalaak which did not sit too well with her mother Radinka. She was getting worried about her daughter.

The days turned into nights and nights into weeks where Waya would spend free time locked up in her room with Ojagalaak. School was on it's way and this was her last day of summer before she had to return. Waya was worried that Ojagalaak would be left at home before realizing he would be able to fit in her backpack and she would not have to leave his protection. She had put her entire trust into her mother's gift hoping he would not let her down. In fact that day he had set a few people on fire, eaten a few of the teachers papers and he had torched the principal's hair. Ojagalaak was a bad influence on Waya and she had been too blind to notice this. Radinka had been waiting at the door for Waya to arrive at home especially after the call from her school. As she opened the door to the house she had seen the look of anger on her mother's face. Radinka was more then angry with her child and she stood hands on hips "What happened at school today Waya? Why was it I had over five phone calls from your school?" her face blood red with frustration and anger she stared deeply into her daughter's eyes. Knowing she was going to be in trouble "Mom nothing happened they mixed me up with another girl at school" she lied to her mother hoping to not get into as much trouble. Radinka knew the truth and she paced over to her daughter's backpack and emptied it out seeing that her once carved dragon was plenty alive she let out a high pitched scream. Waya began to cry and Radinka took Ojagalaak and threw him into the fire "I don't want you to ever speak to the spirits of our ancestors again!" this was a firm demand. Waya's tears filled her eyes and were falling down her cheeks she yelled back at her mother "That was my only friend how could you?" she lifted her hands to her face. Radinka full of rage tried to calm herself down with little success she sent Waya to her room grounding her until further notice. Waya stormed upstairs into her bedroom slamming the door behind her making the antiques in the forbidden room shake. She ran to her bed and she continued to cry as she lay locked up in her room until her mother told her otherwise.

Radinka paced around downstairs for a while furious at the fact that Waya had ever lied to her. After a few hours of relief she made her way upstairs with a blank mind and she knocked on her daughter's door. After five minutes with no reply but the sound of muffled crying she opened the door and she crossed the room to the bed and her daughter. She sat down on the edge of the bed and she looked to the ground "Waya I'm sorry I yelled at you I'm just so disapointed in you right now, you should have known better then to have lied to me" she turned her gaze to her daughter. Waya's voice muffled by the pillow was heard by her mother "I'm sorry it was not my decision, Ojagalaak told me to say that, we had a mind connection and those where the words he told me to speak" she was still crying; her voice trembled. Radinka looked to her daughter and she placed her hand on her back rubbing it along Waya's back "Waya I thought I raised you well enough to know wrong from right no matter who says what" she smiled softly to her daughter now. Waya sat up and nodded "It won't happen again mom, I know not to lie to anyone because all it does is it causes pain to those around you" with those words they hugged and sat in silence. Both cuddling together they fell asleep the lesson learned by Waya remained with her for the rest of her life.

A voice unheard

The humidity was thick in the valley where Bryson and his ancestors had lived, for as far back as anyone could remember. The winter had been treacherous and they knew that spring would arrive early that year. The beautiful blanket of blue was cluttered with clouds of grey and black which foretold a terrible storm was rapidly approaching. The valley always flooded when spring arrived and this year would be no different, save perhaps that they would be prepared for the flood, unlike previous years. Bryson took it upon himself to build up walls to stop the nearby mass of water from rising and wiping their homes and clan members away.

The village where Bryson had lived his entire life was called Akuji and was well-known to everyone in surrounding areas. The valley having received its name from its new beginning every year after spring had sprung and summer was heavy upon them. The troubles of the previous year having been washed away in the spring floods and the land was new thus achieving its name Akuji which means “dead and awake”. Spring finished as the scents of flowers summoned the summer months, where the sun would get so hot that one would think the water of the lake would disappear.

Bryson lived by himself and was one of the authority figures in the town of Akuji. A well-known tribe who has always been proud of their powerful warriors and dedicated families. Women were treated as if they were royalty and men would obey a woman’s every command without a second hesitation. Bryson however had been a rebel in his teenage years but recently he had began to comply though he remained without a spouse or any form of woman to rule his life. The man was in his mid twenties and he had watched over his younger brother after his parents had died but before he had married.

A tall man with broad shoulders emerged from the shelter of his home slightly off the river bank. Dark features but a smile that could charm any women he wished, though since the death of his parents he hasn’t smiled. Chestnut locks and mud colored eyes accented by his tanned skin would prove a perfect man for many though he kept his emotions hidden. Bryson was a man with an attitude but would not smile even to the most humorous of things. On this day however, he decided to venture into the forest of his ancestors and seek out the trespasser. Word around the village had told him a young man was lurking through the forest of his ancestors and that he was killing the sacred animals and eating the blessed fruit. Bryson was a powerful man in his village and he had an attitude that would scare anyone who crossed his path, whether it is friend or foe. Few men had ever seen his bad-side but legend spoke of his short patience and violent past thus forcing many to fear him.

The sun was hidden behind the dark clouds as the man had stepped out of his home dressed in a black outfit and wearing a hooded black cloak. A sword hung from his belt in its sheath but hidden beneath his cloak, and with such weather few would dare make a challenge, yet he knew this young man to be wild and was just being extra careful in arming himself for his mission. Bryson wore a leather bindle upon his back strapped around his broad shoulders as he embarked upon his mission into the forest of his ancestors. The steady sound of his black boots hammering upon the cement leading from his house to the main streets was all that could be heard save the beautiful singing of birds. The man walked on even as the clouds gave way to the rain which was only the beginning of a terrible storm. “The first is always the worst” or at least those were the words of his ancestors passed down from father to son through the generations. The main streets were deserted as he continued down the path leading to the main gates of his village where he’d turn east and after a good league would come upon his destination. Bryson was looking forward to arriving where he’d have some shelter from the storm, but also be able to finish his mission as quickly as possible. The man’s mission rang repeatedly through his mind as he walked down the lonely road towards the Forest of Ancients. “Find the boy and bring him to me, we shall figure out a punishment when we can decide how severe his crimes” and with that the man walked on.

The sky lit up in a flash as lightning struck in the distance and thunder sounded shortly after the bolt had struck. Rain continued to pour heavily, as the man’s clothes were soaked from head to toe, before arriving at the wall of trees which revealed the dark forest of his ancestors. Bryson stood still allowing the rain to be absorbed into his cloak as he muttered a prayer to the Gods that he could be given a safe passage through the forest and offered help to find the savage. After a moment of silence he stepped forward and into the dense forest that now lay before him. Bryson waited at the border of the woods as he thought of a plan to capture this wild man who roamed the forbidden lands of his people. After what seemed like years the man began down the path of foot prints that appeared old upon the mud filled earth. A wild goose chase this would be, like finding a needle in a haystack. The day would indeed be long and hard yet he was determined to successfully complete the mission he had been assigned. The tracks he had been following had suddenly stopped beneath a large willow, which caused Bryson to withdraw his broadsword silently. The familiar song of his sword being withdrawn from its sheath rang into the whistling of the winds against his features.

and indeed braver than me
i've been trying to muster the courage for days (no, not years) to get my stuff up here
but nervousness.... *shrieks*

Thank you very much, and there's nothing to fear. I want to know honest opinions on what to change. I want to improve everything I own to the best it can be. I want to be a novelist. I'm starting on my first novel as soon as I can figure out a topic to write it on

The red sun rose in the east as the winds whispered from the south. The sky was a blanket of blue with the exception of red and pink; which coloured the sky in the east. The oaks and willows of the forest blew gently as the swift wind raced through the trees, and dying completely before reaching the heart of the bush.

The birds chirped merrily as a cold night gave way to the promise of a beautiful spring day. The cool air was refreshing since the heat of the previous day’s sun had proven to be a wasted day. A golden haired, bear of a man, lay peacefully sleeping beneath the protection of a weeping willow. The man woke abruptly to the sound of a branch breaking from the tree above. Lying on his back, the young man’s bloodshot emerald eyes opened quickly, barely in time for him to roll out of the way of the falling objects. Instinctively, he reached for his prized dagger. To his surprise, the creature was nothing more than a malnourished raccoon. The dagger in hand, he rose clumsily and painfully from where he had stopped rolling. Josh clawed towards the helpless animal. He had hoped the raccoon would run away and scare any other animals lurking about in search of easy prey.

The man was hard to ignore because he was six-foot-five-inches tall and with a very handsome face, to make this man both intimidating to men, and intriguing to women.

The sound of hooves upon solid earth rang loudly through the forest. His eyes flicker about the trails, until he noticed a coal colored colt rushing in his direction. The raccoon heard the horse and quickly disappeared up the nearest tree. It was then he realized that his sweaty hand still grasped the dagger and he carefully sheathed his weapon in its scabbard.

Josh stood in disbelief as the horse stopped in front of him. If he had any hope of being saved, it was thrown away at the familiar sight of his colt. His leg gave way to his weight as he fell against the powerful frame of his faithful companion. Josh’s free hand moved to his left leg, which had been injured approximately nine days ago.

“Smoke! What are you doing here!? You were supposed to go home and get Thomas! To let him know I’m alive!” his voice boomed through the dense forest.

The sound of thunder roaring through the prison of oak and willow brought confusion to the thin face of the hungry man. The part of sky visible to the man was light blue; so Josh decided an army of horses must have caused the sound of thunder. The riders wore shining armor and rode with elegance. The leader wore a full helm and rode on the back of a young paint. Upon seeing the man, the leader had halted the followers and removed the helmet slowly. Long whitish blonde shimmering hair fell over her shoulders and down to her lower back, her eyes a darker green than those of the dying man before her. The flawless mask of serenity covered her features from the emotions she felt in finding her older brother so helpless.

Sharlina sat upon the saddle as if she has always been there. Josh leaned against smoke for support, stunned to find his younger sister coming to his rescue when she was not supposed to be home for another two weeks. Remaining by his colt, he listened to his sister’s words though still visually shocked by her presence. Her voice was soft and teasing as she grinned:

- Do you always yell at your horse Josh? Or are you suffering from delusions from lack of nourishment?
- Shimmer! What are you doing in Zandof when you were supposed to be visiting our beloved cousins in Zion? Besides, how in the name of Heaven and Earth did you find me here? In the middle of the forest!?

It was obvious that Josh was not in a mood to joke, which his sister had obviously noticed. Her grin had vanished as she replied to her brother.

-The reason I’m here is because of that colt of yours. Well and the note you’d sent him with. Besides aren’t you glad to see me?

Sharlina’s grin had returned as she began to tease her brother in a loving manner. Josh shook his head and smiled.

- Of course I missed you Shimmer, you may be my sister, but I consider you a daughter to me. After all, I did raise you. But why were you at the castle?
- Are you alright to stay in the saddle?

Josh knew that Sharlina was hiding something. He eyes her carefully as he shook her head with a deep sigh released. Sharlina watched her brother as he laughed replying quickly.

-Had I been able to ride, do you think I’d have sent Smoke to find help? I’d have ridden if I didn’t break my ankle. I just hurt it even more just before you showed up.

Josh had injured himself on a trip to scout the terrain which they wished to add to the realm of Zandof. His older brother was King when he left, and he hadn’t been back home in almost two weeks. Josh had gotten worried and after falling off Smoke he broke his ankle landing the wrong way. He had not moved again until just before his sister’s arrival.

-Then it’s a good thing I asked the guards to bring a horse wagon with us.

The guards moved to Josh’s side and carried him onto the wooden wagon, which was filled with straw to offer comfort. With a groan of pain, he lay in the wagon as Smoke was tied to a lead and followed the rest of the horses.

Sharlina watched as her brother was loaded into the wagon, before replacing her full helm. Though a pair of guards directed their mounts to the front of the pack. Sharlina rode beside the horse-drawn wagon to ensure her brother’s safety. The castle guards protected the young royalty. Josh turned to meet his sister’s gaze, as he noticed pain and sorrow in her deep green eyes. He sat in thought for the entire trip back to the castle, knowing whatever caused her pain would not be revealed until their arrival.

The horns of Zandof sounded loudly as the search party returned in sight of the castle. The gates opened only moments before the guards reached their boundaries. The streets seemed flooded with people of the kingdom, wishing to show respect and fill their curiosity. A look of concern filled the faces of many bystanders as they watched the prince lay helplessly in the wagon. Sharlina removed her helmet as they passed through the main streets of their town.

The sun was high in the sky as they reached the royal stables. The footman helped Sharlnia from her horse and quickly moved her mount into its proper stall. The guards moved Josh from the cart in to the castle. His thoughts were racing as his sister entered his Royal Chambers.

Sharlina dismissed the guards and quickly Josh questioned his sister; “You never answered my question Shimmer. Why did you return to Zandof with such haste?”

She looked at Josh carefully before she realized that she had not thought up and excuse. Josh eyes her carefully as she replied: “Josh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t tell you as soon as I saw you. Thomas passed away a few days after you left. I’m so sorry.” She cried softly. Sharlina covered her face with her cold hands as she sobbed gently. Josh studied his sibling’s actions, carefully noticing how much his sister had changed.

Josh laughed: “You’re lying to me Sharlina! Thomas didn’t pass away, you murdered him. You are not my sister. What did you do with her!?” his voice booming loudly but he knew he would not get the help from the guards. He was rather helpless, the only thing he had was his dagger. Carefully he eyed the woman in the room.

Sharlina’s laugh was different from earlier and she could not help but reveal who she was. Her eyes turned red as she spoke “You’re right…how did you know? You are my next victim. If I can kill you, than the throne will be mine! You beloved sister is locked up in Zion, never to be seen again. Let’s not mention how I killed your brother without anybody else knowing it was murder. Everyone thinks he died in his sleep. After all, the only reason he got sick was because of me” she had a laugh that he could not quite pin a face to.

Josh shook his head and wondered if he would be able to avenge his brother’s death. The woman quickly swept across the floor and had her icy cold hands round his throat as he struggled to catch his breath. For a woman she had a strong grip, and it was then it struck him who this was. It was one of their servants in the stalls. Somebody who had access to each of them. As he started to turn blue from lack of oxygen, the guards burst through the door and pinned her to the wall. Josh drew in quick but deep breathes to fill his hungry lungs.

-I want you guys to put her in the dungeons under constant supervision. I’d like to be briefed about everything that’s happened in my absence. Commander, take a group of your best men out to Zion with great haste. I wish to find my sister still alive. Let’s not waste time. I’ll be briefed when my sister is back safely in my watch.

-You can’t do this to me. My plan was flawless! I walked through it so many times and I couldn’t find any flaws. It’s just not right… I mean I…

- You can never find flaws in your own work. A lesson learned, not that it will benefit you much…

I think I should end it there, and have a second book where he goes to find his sister, and such...an adventure and a half where that one will lead. What you people think?

Kyle tapped his mug of ale on the table, “Well said but what is this? You wish to end it there? How can this be? You have told us of Bryson and when last we heard the ringing of sword being drawn still rings in our ears. Then you tell us of a prince who would be King but only after he finds his lost sister.” Kyle stands, “Now with song and hope you tell us we are to just go about our marry way, leaving princes locked away and sword at the ready.” Kyle shakes his head no, “I will not, I can not let you just end it there without letting you know what kind of injustice do to us if you do not tell us of their fate.” With all said Kyle takes his seat and is now eying the Lady Flirt to see if she continues.

Cautiously she eyed the man who'd risen from his seat and she licked her lips softly to moisten them. Listening calmly as the words had left his lips floating in the air only to die within her mind. Contemplating his words she smirked slightly to herself "Very well, it's assumed that I'll continue the tale. I thank thee kindly for the inspiration M'Lord." she fell silent and crossing her legs she leaned back lost in time and thought as she tapped her pen on the table softly.

I'm just a gnarly old curmudgeon out looking for something to read and came across A Serpents Tale??! And I noticed you were looking for advice on what to change to get it ready for print?

First, DO NOT change a single word and finish the story! Quick!!!

Put it on a word doc, center aligned, double spaced, indent the first line of each paragraph. Format the doc with a header containing the title - your name, date, word count - and number the pages.

Then get it into the hands of a literary agent right NOW! This is as good as I have seen and the sooner you get professionals looking at your work the better.

There, I hope that helps and good luck - really!!

Mike

Thank you very much, but first I would have to uninstall my microsoft word and then reinstall it. Can't open it without it going bonkers...so have to fix that before I could do that. And Wouldn't know where to give it to anyone. It's a short story, so the first one is done, the second one I'll try to start working on it.

Should I make this a novel, or just keep it as a short story and add to that? Or should I make part 2 as a short story...find a subtitle and such.