A wood chck can not chuck wood because it can not eat it. So that means no up and chucking wood chucks.

How fast can a Captian Sparrow fly?

A Captain Sparrow doesn't fly...a Captain Sparrow backstrokes or floats...depending upon the amount of rum consumed


why is it that the more people that are in line the less cashiers there are available?

Murphy's Law 2317:
"The number of service personnel available will always be inversely proportional to the number required."

And its Corollary:
"The size of a crowd will always be directly proportional to the number of people present, and inversely proportional to the number of personnel available to help them."


How many strings in a quark?

Quark is a Ferengi bartender on a popular tv show...the only strings he has (and there two) are pulled by Sisco.



where does time fly to?

It flies into the wormhole featured on said popular TV show.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

never choked a Smurf...hang on...be right back............................................................................................................................................................................... ::wipes sweat off brow::

clear



where does bottled water REALLY come from?

Secret bottled water trees.

Why is pecan pie so yummy?

Has to do with Southern DNA.



is global warming REALLY happening?

Yes but not for the reasons we are lead to believe. Originally the earth was on a race with the other planets to see who could get to the Sun first. Unfortunately, all planets have no "i"s (except Jupiter but it doesn't count because it is just full of hot air) and so were unable to target effectively, they have to do it by sense of touch. So ever since the beginning of the race (When the giant starting gun was fired aka "the big bang") the planets have been blindly heading toward the sun.

***the rest of this is just a rant.. continue to the bottom for your question*** Astrologers have been wrong for years thinking that we have been revolving around the sun. When, in fact, we have just been missing it again and again. Personally, I believe pluto will eventually win and plunge into our star far before any of these other planets can. It may have started out slowest due to its lack of overall mass but I think that its sense of smell will win in the end. That is, unless, some other planet has already "won" and our planets noticed the "Incinerated into an inferno" victory and decided against further competition. Ever since they may have intentionally been dodging the finish line just to not get second place prize... which may or may not be similar to first place's vicory dance, IF you can call melting into oblivion a dance.

*****End of rant, below is the next question****

Why do XXL clothes cost more when smaller/children's clothes don't cost less?

XXL clothes are made with stretchy thread which costs more and kids clothes are made with extra strong thread which costs the same as stretchy thread.



why is gas/petrol so expensive?

It's the leprechauns.

They are driving up the cost of gas so they can line their pots with more gold. They have succumbed to an unfortunate pastry addiction and are spending all their existing gold on eclairs and doughnuts. Plus, Lucky was fired by Lucky Charms and is now on leprechaun welfare assistance. This is their heinous way of offsetting their costs.

Speaking of which, why are Lucky Charms magically delicious?

They're not. They only seem that way to some, and only in the South, 'cause they taste like chicken ...


... and why does everything taste like chicken?

Because there is a glitch in the Matrix.

The machines don't really know what anything tastes like except for chicken, because the resistance fighters throw chickens at their faces. Thus, they made everything taste like it...a little payback.

Why can you hear the ocean in conch shells?

You don't.

When a conch dies, it turns into a leeeetle, teeeeeeny black hole that gets lost way down inside the shell. What you actually hear is the air rushing by your ear and into the black hole ...


Is there any truth to the rumor that Branjelina are actually vacationing space aliens that see humans as two-legged cattle?

Brangelina are in fact space aliens. They come from the planet "Beutimus" near the edge of our own Milky Way Galaxy. Their original mission was to beautify the planet with their prescence which they successfully completed shortly after arriving. Once that mission was accomplished they decided to stay on and become ambassadors which entails adopting children from every race on Earth and raising them in their own likeness.



why are baby animals so friggin' CUTE!?