Astrid, thanks for starting us off awesome!
A few notes I'd make, and I'd make them for everyone one:
1) I'd ask that our posts be written from a third-person point of view. My first post is not really a great example either (sorry), using the pronoun "you".
Anyway, instead of writing from the perspective of "I", you write it as if you are "watching" the drama from above... so, taking your first paragraph, you wrote:
A gust of wind blew into the kitchen, as i ambled through the door. my arms full of fire wood, kicking the door closed with a booted foot. i wadded my way through the kitchen help to unceremoniously drop the load by the hearth. I couldn't help but grin like an idiot as Mistress Olive chided me for tracking mud through the kitchen. Yet in the same breath she also gushed over the size of the armloads i had brought in.
And how I'm looking for your post to look is like this:
A gust of wind blew into the kitchen as
Fenir ambled through the door.
His arms full of fire wood,
Fenir kick
ed the door closed with a booted foot.
He waded
his way through the kitchen help to unceremoniously drop the load by the hearth.
Fenir couldn't help but grin like an idiot as Mistress Olive chided
him for tracking mud through the kitchen. Yet, in the same breath she also gushed over the size of the armloads
he had brought in.
2) Please remember the note on posting guidelines regarding a character's speech, internal thoughts, and quoting other posts:
A character's speech in merely place in quotations (" ") marks. Example: "I hadn't meant to bring in so much," Fenir blushed. "I often forget how much larger i am then most at the abbey aside from Prioress Noona and a few others."
A character's internal thoughts are
Italicized. Example: Fenir hadn't made Florence cry this week.
I feel like such a cad when I make her cry, the badger thought.
But somehow i always ended up snapping at her and hurting her feelings.
We do this to tell the difference between a character's speech, which the other characters may hear and react to, and a character's thoughts, which is enjoyable to read but which the other characters cannot hear and cannot response to.
Quotes from another player's or the DM's post are
bolded to highlight the fact that your character is responded to something specific. Example:
“A message had come from the Quarry in the Murkenhill,” Camber began. “Master Tigwyn claims that an ancient evil had returned…the legendary owl, Shadow.”
Fenir muffled a soft chuckle, though the Abbott's tone was serious.
3) Regarding posting actions for other PCs or NPCs:
For PCs, please do not post their reactions to your character's speech or actions, even if what you've posted for them seems small or insignificant. Small and insignificant reactions all build into how we perceive the character. So, for example, you posted:
I grinned at Oltovian and poked Reginald in the ribs causing him to start slightly and push into Vi causing her to squeak in start.
I would change this to something like:
Fenir grinned at Oltovian and poked Reginald teasingly in the ribs.
**
Note: I actually did go and make that edit to your post.**
This allows the other players to respond in the way they envision their character acting. So, in response to the above example, maybe Celeste might post something like:
Reginald jumped, startled by Fenir's jabs, and bumped into Violet.
"Sorry, Vi," The hare said apologetically, before turning on the badger and giving Fenir a look that combined
What was that for? and
Cut it out!
But she might respond with:
"Ouch!" Reginald rubbed his side, giving Fenir a look take warned him to not do that again.
Anyway, let players decide how their characters respond to your character's actions.
With NPCs you have a bit more freedom. In your post, you talked about how Olive scolded Fenir for tracking in mud and prepared special food for Fenir. That was good!
I would say this as a general rule: If you're character has an established neutral/friendly relationship in their character sheet, feel free to post for the NPC as the NPC interacts with your character. So, it's fine for you to post Fenir's interaction with Olive, but keep her actions simple, small gestures and only in relationship with Fenir.
It would not be okay for any of you to post for Abbott Camber, Master Weldon, Aidyn, or Dremmon, as none of your characters have a real established relationship any of these characters. Neither would it be okay for you to post that Olive suddenly started making out with Fenir as that is a departure from their established relationship. You post what your character says or does, I'll post the NPCs reactions.
Some notes of praise... in case it's coming across like I'm tearing apart your post, let me add a few more notes:
1) I'm not tearing apart your post. I really liked it and it was a fun read. It is also a great post to point out the posting guidelines and conventions that we will be using in our game. Thank you!
2) I really enjoyed reading Fenir's interaction with the world I've presented so far. You've already given the rest of us a great picture of your badger.
3) I
the interaction with Olive. Very cool!
4) I also loved how you set up poignant and humorous moments. Thanks! That's the kind of stuff that makes our stories memorable.
So, like I said, thanks for posting first and kicking us off well!
Looking forward to this!
Ayrn
Shadows of the Empire Q&A
Shadows of the Empire
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