I always like to hear: "I draw my sword..." In my games that can be one of the stupidest things to say.

On a side note, isn't it amusing that those people prone to make the most inane comments tend to play thieves? Just a little profiling for you is all.

Just found this amusing in a SW game by buddy ran.

~~~~
Tech Specialist: So, if I roll a natural 20 can I build a death star?
~~~

...yes, while we're just wondering about on this desert planet you can build a death star. You sir are a god.

has GOT to be the "Green Man", a mythological manifestation, a humaanoid god-like dude that has has 168 hit points and REGENERATES 168 hit poihts PER ROUND (among other spell-like abilities).

Whenever I use him, I invariably get:
"Aww, crap! You just made him up to pi@@ us off! He isn't "legal".

Then, when I show them the printed material from TSR, it turns to:
Well, it still ain't fair!

Very few have played out an encounter with him ...

One of my favorite phrases ever was during a Cyberpunk game where a friend said "He's not wearing a helmet, I'm gonna shoot him in the face." Yeah, didn't turn out well for him.

EvoJ

My brother invited me to spend the weekend at his new place after he moved out. He and I spent the entire weekend playing an endless Rifts session with his best friend. At one point, after four pots of coffee and 2 Jolts, and enough junk food to feed Malaysia, I sat up and said:

"Hey! Let's go to Chi-Town and throw things at the crazies!"


....and had to roll a new character ten minutes later.

"We don't run." Party killed shortly thereafter.
"We don't know, so let's not think." On whether or not to wake up the gnome wizard who at the time was merrily having breakfast and not in his room at all.
"I'm not used to being me." In an instance where one player RP'ed another player's PC in a conversation with 2nd player's other PC.

The same player uttered all three.

Our ninja had just climbed up a building and ran into a character who we shouldn't meet until MUCH later in the game.

Ninja: Okay, is she carrying anything?
DM: A whip and a Wand
Ninja: Okay, I'm going to try and smack her. (Rolls, misses)
DM: She notices you, dodges, and whips you in the ass. (Rolls, damage dealt)
Ninja: You me I just got my ass whipped by a girl?
DM: Yeah.
Ninja: *sigh* Okay then, let me pick my pride up off the ground, and I'll rejoin the group.
DM: Okay... 3 hours later, you rejoin the group

This did not actually happen in a game I played in, but my frequent players talk about this on occasion:

In a modern setting, the players had been looking for a gun-dealer which they were going to arrest. When they found him at a bar, one of the players had a plan where she would pretend to want to buy weapons from him. A good plan, but her approach sucked. She sat down next to him and said, very plainly: "are you selling any weapons?"
While the rest of the group was laughing at the lack of subtlety, she tried to explain herself: "no, wait. Because I want to buy some."

Of course, they were playing secret agents if memory serves.

Was actually in here doing research for the Newsletter (shameless plug here) and felt I should add some of my own. I was playing in this evil campaign with some friends and it got so crazy (thanks to my crazy friends and some liquor) I actually pulled up word during the session and started writing down what was being said. Some of the quotes don't make sense out of context... and some are simply down right inappropriate for this venue but I'll share some of the more PG, general zaniness here:

- - -

“I think alignment should be rated on a curve… so I should keep my alignment” Dustin

- - -

“Him falling out of a window did half the damage that I did stabbing him with my trident!” Samantha after attacking Dustin's character who had disguised himself as someone else.

- - -

We were in a meeting with the Neverwinter Nine:

“Wait how many of them are there?” Mark

“Of the Nine?” Tyler DM, confused

“I don’t know, might be 8. Might be more, just a hunch…” Kohnen and the DM nearly falls out of his chair laughing.

“Way to go Kohnen… you broke Tyler” Dustin

- - -

"If I rerolled as a Bard… can I use Bard Knowledge to metagame?” Dustin

“I’ve never been asked that… that’s like praying to your diety… ‘what are you doing?’ ‘I’m going to kill you…’ ‘Psstt… we are going to die.’ …. I’ll think about it.” Tyler, DM

And then later that night...

"I rolled a natural 20 on my Bard Knowledge for Metagame!” Dustin

“You’re not a bard!” Tyler

“I rolled a natural 20!”

“You’re not a bard! You’re not a bard! You’re NOT A BARD!”

He wasn't a bard.

- - -

“Would you like to have a drink with me?” Mark

“No…” NPC

“I’m good looking” Mark points to CHA, “I’m good looking for a cat.”

“Give me a lock of hair, and I’ll go with you for a drink.”

“Sure”

“She gets a BIG bonus to scry…” Kohnen

- - -

This is why you should read the Monster Manual

“Can we get a manticore?” Dustin

“A manic whore?” Samantha

“No… we already have one of those.” Dustin

“Then what is a manticore?” Samantha

“A flying creature that spits spikes out of its tail” Dustin

“Ohh… that doesn’t sound nearly as entertaining as a manic whore…” Samantha

“True! Can we buy some manic whores? We’ll just ride those into town.” Dustin

The DM said no to both.

- - -

We need to start that game up again...

M.

Nice!

"I step in front of the train..."

Not so much an utterance as a regular occurance in... well... pick a game; any game...

I look up at the sky and yell, "Ugermane (one of the gods in my game) is lame!"

In one game (all barbarian group) we came upon another clan.
Our leader asked "How many are you."
The player doing the NPC mumbled "120 warriors"
Leader "What did say? 120 lawyer? Who are you, the SOSUEME Tribe?

Head-buts a pillar he just dogged from a trap that was activated.

The powerful cleric, alone, charges the Draco Lich.

The amazing ranger stays to fight the fire titan, while the rest of the group runs away,

A player is bartering for an item:

Player: How much do you want for that?
Storekeeper: I'll sell it to you for 50 gold pieces.
Player: Make it 60 and we have a deal!

1. In the "Forge of Fury" : the PCs are all in a den of troglodytes and the majority of the party are nauseated by the stench. Chad, who was playing a sorcerer, says,"I cast Frebreeze!"

2. while in a battle with 3 rat swarms and 1 fiendish dire rat: The rouge in the party deals the death blow to the dire rat, and i the dm said, " you sank my rat ship"

3. during one of the running s of my "Diabolic Genesis" dragon campaign, the party run into Zazbeth the red dragon, which were planning to pay tribute to her with a evil assasin as a sacrifice (he was a virgin, lol) and she says, "Is there anyone here that is Chaotic Evil?"

and the "sacrifice" speaks up and says, "yes, i am!"

Zazbeth says, "Then you'll understand why i do this." and she uses her breath weapon on everyone.