You are not going bald...you're going deaf because your hair is so long it's grown into your ears and you can't hear a darn thing.


I wish I had become an astronaut so I could visit my relatives on other planets

You did and you now have family rifts on every possible planet because you have started quarrels with all your relatives over where you'll spend next Thanksgiving.





I wish my guinea pigs could clean their own cage.

They clean it so well it shines...and then it blinds you...and then you die...from...shinyness...


I wish they would go "Wheeeeeeeeee"

..but when you're a kid and you want to go "WEEEEE!" but you ain't got drugs yet, you hold on for your life. You hold to your little gonads...


...and strife.


I wish I didn't know that song.

Granted...and they are hereby all exponentially corrupted

I wish you all a VERY MERRY WINTER SEASON

We all have a Merry Winter Season but as karma often must balance itself out, we all also have a very crappy springtime.








I wish antelopes had psychic powers.

Antelopes have psychic powers and they are all plotting to kill the person who wished they all had psychic powers cuz now none of them can get ANY sleep!

I wish I had patience.

You have so much patience you missed out on everything waiting patiently for it to happen.









I wish my hair grew faster.

Your hair grows so fast it's been banned on the Autobahn.


I wish I had a hug

I give you a hug as I smite you for laughs.







I wish I had a seafood dinner.

You get your seafood dinner, but in a completely unexpected turn of events it goes perfectly. You live the rest of your life in fear of the corruption I may have caused upon this wish...and you slowly go crazy. Then, right in the end upon your deathbed when you realise you got away with it, I drop by and poke both your eyes out, then eat them...

...I later regret those actions terribly.


I wish for a book of things to do. (Yay Ryst got my reference!!!)

You have a book of things to do, only now you have to learn to read to enjoy it.










I wish I knew every language.

ndkdyekfhfod wiwi,iudjd ki wijdjd owue
iejd;apedi kso-ldod-odsksi-- kosis, sji

J

I wish I could take a nap on the back of a beautiful Andalucian Mare in the middle of a primeieval forest as the soft rays of the early morning sun filter through gossamer aspen leaves.

Granted but the Mare is slowly sinking into a peat bog.

I wish I was smart.

You're smart but you have no common sense


I wish my mare wasn't sinking in a peat bog