I'd buy New Carlisle, fence it off, secede from the Union, become declared a sovreign nation, and dub myself
Eol; Monarch Supreme of the Kingdom of Longpost *insert fanfare of kazoos here*.
A good and wise king, would I be... well, okay, maybe not so wise, but I would be a
fun king!
What? You disagree?
Off wif' 'er earlobes then!!! You'll look awful funny tryin' ta put on yer ear-bobs now, won't ya? Not so blinkin' attractive when yer hoopty-hoops're stuffed in yer heary-hole, is it? huh? ANSWER ME!!!!
Okay, maybe not so fun, either... but the news would be good EVERY GOLDING DAY!!!
ooo... shiny thing....